Series: ST TOS
Summary: Jim has only one wish for Christmas.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story don’t belong to me. I only borrowed them for some fun. No moneymaking, no violation of copyrights are intended.
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Beta: English is not my native language, so please be patient with my mistakes. Thanks to Lady Charena for the beta. For all remaining errors, blame me.
"Jim, I wish to speak with you about the Christmas celebrations, we…" McCoy stopped when he realised that he got no reaction from his captain and friend. "Jim, you’re all right?" the doctor asked.
"Sure," Kirk replied and rose from the chair at his desk. The tiredness with which the captain stood up and approached him didn’t remain unnoticed by McCoy. The last months had been hard, not only but especially for Jim. First their time travel to the San Francisco of the 20th century and Edith Keeler’s death. Then the fight with the planet killer and Matthew Decker’s death. McCoy knew how much Jim had admired the Commodore. Not to forget the death of Jim’s beloved brother on Deneva. And then the fight with Spock during his Pon Farr as crown of all the catastrophes they were through.
Leonard sighed inwardly. He could understand that all this still was troubling Jim but somehow he had the feeling that there was something more. There had to be a reason why Jim lately avoided nearly any private contact. He even hadn't followed his occasional invitations to a drink or two.
“Bones?”, Kirk interrupted his brooding and looked questioningly at the doctor
"Pardon, I was in thought," McCoy replied.
"What do you want to discuss with me?" Jim asked. "You and Scotty you will do it perfect, I’m sure. As you did last year. I must fill the reports.” He pointed at the stack of data pads on his desk.
"Sure," McCoy mumbled and bit Jim goodbye. He had to do something to cheer Jim up, if he couldn't find out the reason for his strange behaviour. He had a feeling what the reason could be. If Jim only would talk to him. Or even better to Spock. Something had to happen before Jim’s emotional problems would negatively interfere with his work. He as the ships surgeon after all was obliged not only to his friend and captain but primarily to the ships and his crew welfare. The last thing he wanted to do was to declare Jim unfit for duty. But what could he do to help him?
He had seen an old-fashioned piece of paper on Jim's desk. Hadn't he read there something from a Christmas wish-list? Maybe this was what he was looking for?
"Why don't you simply use your medical emergency code?" Scotty asked one hour later as he opened the door to the captain’s cabin.
"Because the computer would record this and how shall I explain to Jim that I go into his cabin although I very well know that he is on duty on the bridge,” McCoy explained. "But when you switch the supervision systems off because of an alleged fault then a) nothing is recorded what I’m doing here and b) there is at least a logical explanation for your presence in the room. I then just have drop by and came in accidentally if Jim finds out.”
Scotty sighed as they entered. "Somehow I don't like such secret actions against the captain."
"Hey I’m not going to steal something or to snoop around. I’m only here for help," McCoy defended himself. " I only have to…" he carefully shoved some data pads on the desk aside.
“What are you looking for actually?” Scotty asked and began to work at the computer, to secure their alibi.
"I’ve seen something," McCoy mumbled. "Ah, there it is." He hold the piece of paper triumphantly in the high.
"I knew it," he said after he had read it. "I knew it," he repeated.
"What?" Scotty leant over him and read: “My Christmas wish: A kiss from Spock."
"Uh-uh," the chief engineer said.
"I have suspected it," Leonard answered.
Yes, he had suspected, that Spock was the main reason for Jim’s almost depressive behaviour lately. Since the events on Vulcan the relationship between the two of them had changed. The somehow strange thing was, meanwhile Spock was becoming more relaxed in human company and especially in Kirk’s, Jim on the other hand seemed to became more distant especially regarding the Vulcan. McCoy couldn’t be certain about Spock but he would bet his sickbay that the Vulcan had feelings for Jim which he couldn’t explain with his damn vulcan logic. That Jim was in love on the other hand could see a blind man from ten kilometres away. McCoy knew Jim well enough to know that that was something serious for him, not a brief flirt like with some girls in the past. If it just had been that Jim already had acted instead of backing away. He obviously feared the Vulcan’s reaction if he told Spock about his feelings. Of course Spock on the other side would never make the first step. Or perhaps?
He entered the bathroom, that the captain’s and first officer’s cabin shared.
"What do you want to do?" Scotty asked. "We hardly can tie Mr. Spock up and give him to the captain as a Christmas present."
"No," McCoy replied. "But we can take care that he will find this piece of paper. The rest then lies with him.” He slid the paper under the door to Spock’s cabin.
"You think, he would get the Captain what he wishes for?" Scotty was sceptical.
"You are too seldom on the bridge," Leonard replied. "Otherwise you would know which looks they are throwing at each other when they feel unobserved. But no one dares to make the first step of course. If Spock knows Jim feels they same for him like he feels for Jim, then perhaps he will do something."
“I hope you’re right,” Scotty replied as they left the cabin.
"Me too," McCoy answered. Otherwise they really had a problem.
Spock immediately noticed the white paper when he entered his room. Even if this way of communication had went out of date long ago he noticed immediately Jim's handwriting. As he read the wish he believed his heart would stop for a moment.
Jim wanted a kiss from him. The symbol of human affection, as far as he knew. Jim never wouldn't express such a wish thoughtlessly, he was sure of this. Did this mean Jim had feelings for him? Feelings of that kind, which grow inside himself since his Pon Farr? Feelings which to accept and deal with still caused him difficulties?
Had Jim put the piece of paper on purpose here, so that he would find it? Or was it only an accident that it had landed in his room? But these questions were minor. What was much more important was the question how he should react to his new found knowledge? Could he just go to Jim and speak about his own feelings? Was Jim hoping he would do the first step because he didn't know how to approach Spock? Was that the reason why the paper was placed here?
Questions over questions. He had to meditate over them.
Leonard's optimism vanished dramatically as the Christmas party proceeded further. There was nothing to see from the Vulcan and Jim's mood -- although he obvious tried his best - was on a low level. It couldn’t remain unnoticed to McCoy that Jim’s hopeful gaze travelled to the door anytime it opened. As if he was waiting for someone. But then his face quickly darkened again.
McCoy was very tempted to go and look for the Vulcan and to drag him on the Christmas party personally. ‘What are you expecting from him, Leonard?’ he asked himself silently. ‘That he appears here and kisses Jim in front of everybody? Don't be silly, Spock would never do this.’
“I’m going, Bones, I’m tired,” Kirk bit goodbye to him.
McCoy looked after him and decided: He would wait till Christmas morning. If Jim's mood then hadn't improved, he would force him to talk, if necessary with his authority as the ships doctor.
Exhausted Jim entered his cabin. He felt so terrible tired. If he just would be able to sleep undisturbed for one night. Perhaps he should ask McCoy for some of his famous, small, red pills. But then the doctor would demand an explanation for his problems. And how could he explain to him that he woke up every night because he dreamt of Spock? That he lusted for his first officer? That he was terrible in love with him? Hopelessly in love with a man who never would reply his feelings. Not so much because he was Vulcan – Jim was sure that Spock had emotions although he hold them strictly under control – but because he obviously wasn’t interested in a human male as a partner - or at least not in him. He hadn't noticed the smallest hint in Spock’s behaviour that would give him hope. So the only thing he could do was somehow to handle his feelings before his mood could affect his command abilities negatively. It seemed that at least McCoy already had grown suspicious.
"Jim.” Kirk winced as Spock’s deep voice interrupted his musings.
"Spock, what are you doing here?", he asked and tried to calm down. His heart pondered wildly. Spock looked fantastic in his black casual clothings.
"I didn't want to frighten you, Captain,” the Vulcan replied. "I just wished to bring you your Christmas present."
"This wouldn't be necessary, Spock," Kirk replied. "I know that this holiday means nothing for you. That you consider it an illogical, out-dated celebration, don’t you?”
"I am after all half human, Jim, and I respect the human traditions," Spock explained and walked towards Kirk. "So I know also that people kiss under a branch of mistletoe."
“What?” Jim looked up and saw to his surprise a branch of mistletoe hanging at the ceiling right over him. Where did this suddenly come from?
Spock hesitated for a brief moment and wondered again whether he really was about to do the right thing or not. After long meditations he had reached the conclusion that he had to risk it. Only so he could find out if Jim actually felt something for him. He just would have to hope that he didn't risk their friendship with a misinterpretation of the whole situation. If he was mistaken and Jim felt nothing for him, then he would have to leave the ship because he would have brought them in a too awkward situation with revealing his own feelings towards his captain. But he did not want to think about this option right now. The Enterprise had become his true home, Jim his best friend. If he now would have a Christmas wish...
He tore himself away from his doubting thoughts, leant to the man he loved and kissed him carefully on the lips. Jim’s eyes widened in surprise and nearly shock.
"Spock," he whispered when the Vulcan let go of him. His thoughts swirled around and his heart pondered wildly. Spock had kissed him. His dream had came true. The Vulcan really had kissed him. But then realisation hit. Spock had done so because it was an old earthly tradition. Nothing more. Or did he suspect something about Jim’s feelings and did reply them? Couldn’t he hope for that much. He hardly could think.
"Jim," Spock said quietly and fetched a piece of paper from his robe’s bag. "Did this comply with your wish?"
"Wish?" Kirk blinked surprised and took the piece of paper. He immediately recognised it. He hadn’t noticed its absence so far. It had actually been a silly idea to write a wish down for Christmas. After all he didn’t believe in Santa Claus since he had been five. But how had the paper got into Spock’s hand? "How did you get it?" he asked.
"It has been laid in my cabin," Spock explained and fought for control. Had he made a terrible mistake? Had he misinterpreted the whole thing? Jim did not seem to be happy that he knew about the wish? Did he not wanted to be kissed from him?
"But you didn't have to kiss me, I mean...," Jim stuttered. "I know that you don’t like close contact…." He stopped. Spock had wanted to make him a special present. One he was let to believe Jim wanted most. What of course was the true. But the Vulcan couldn't know how this kind gesture was confusing Jim even more. Now that he know first handed what he never would have. Instead of enjoying the memory of this one kiss, he felt even more what he missed. But how could he explain this to Spock without pushing the Vulcan away? The revelation of his feelings must disturb the Vulcan deeply.
"Jim," Spock said gently. "I wanted to kiss you. And I very much wish to repeat this action. If you also would like it."
Jim looked into the Vulcan’s dark eyes and suddenly he realised love into them which shoved all his doubts and worries away. Spock loved him. Spock wanted him. There was a chance for a future together.
"I would like it very much," he replied. And Spock kissed him again.