Throw the first stone

Throw the first stone

by T'Len (2002)
tlen@freenet.de



Series. TOS
Pairing: S/Mc, K/m, m/m, Cha/m
Code: NC-17, AR
Archive: Trekiverse, TSU, BOBW, WWOMB, BLTS, Heart Attack, Marianne, GSSU, others just ask
Feedback: tlen@freenet.de
Summary: McCoy and Spock have to deal with a homophobic fleet, represented especially by Kirk
Spock-McCoy-Heaven-Challenge: Write an S/Mc where Spock and Len must deal with the homophobia that is Starfleet.

For my other stories and stories by Lady Charena see: The TOS Twins

Disclaimer: Paraborg/Viacom owns the whole Star Trek universe. I only borrowed a little part of it for some fun. No moneymaking, no offence of copyrights are intended. The story is mine and it is just fanfiction. If you are under age, please stay away. If you have a problem with this topic, then look elsewhere for your entertainment. English is not my native language, so please be patient with my mistakes. Thanks to Lady Charena and T'Lin for the beta. For all remaining errors, blame me.

Changes in time (memories) are marked with /*/*/


"Come in!" James Kirk put the glass of brandy; he had just nipped on, so powerfully on the table that he nearly knocked it over. Muttering a curse he turned around to face his visitor.

"What took you so long, Bones? Did you need another fuck first?" Kirk's voice was dripping from sarcasm.

"Jim, please!" Leonard McCoy settled down in the empty chair opposite his captain and friend. "Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. I've seen what I've seen." Kirk shuddered mentally, as he remembered the scene nearly half an hour ago.

/*/*/

Jim stepped into sickbay. It seemed that Leonard had forgotten their arrangement for a shared meal in the mess and a few brandy's in his quarters later. There was no emergency reported at all, so what ever had stopped McCoy from arriving in time, it shouldn't be a sick-bay related problem.

He had just reached the door to the doctor's office when he heard a loud moan from inside. "Bones!" Fearing his CMO may be the victim of an accident, Kirk rushed in without bothering to push the buzzer, which would announce him.

The scene which was - once inside the office - revealed to him, made him stop dead in his tracks. McCoy bent over his table, stark-naked. And behind him his Vulcan first officer. Kirk couldn't believe that he was actually seeing Spock fucking the doctor.

But he did and with this realisation he gasped for air. "Stop it!" he cried. With this he triggered the attention of the other men, who hadn't registered him so far.

Leonard opened his eyes and stared at him. "Jim," he gasped. With shock Jim saw mere lust in the blue orbs. Spock, too, gazed at him, but somehow he didn't even realise the whole situation. Without any interruption the Vulcan continued to ram his cock into McCoy's ass, causing the Human to moan uncontrollably. Leonard gripped the edge of his table more firmly to steady himself against the powerful fucking. "Gosh!"

Jim was finally able to move again. He turned around and fled from the office. "Jim, I'm coming." He wasn't sure at all if McCoy's words were really meant for him, but as he had just reached sickbay's exit, he heard a mingled cry of the voices.

/*/*/

Kirk trunk again, not bothering to offer his visitor a drink, too. "Where's Spock? Why are you alone?" His anger was hardly suppressed.

"I've talked him into staying in his quarters. I thought I'd better speak with you alone first," Leonard answered, hiding knowingly that Spock didn't feel well and he had just feared a confrontation between him and the Captain in his state. Who knows what may have happened then.

Jim rose and began to pace through his quarters. "How the hell could you do that?" he asked without waiting for an answer. "You know that I've got to report you both."

"No!" McCoy jumped to his feet. "You can't do that, Jim."

"I have no other choice. You know the rules as well as I do. Fleet does not allow any sort of a homosexual relationship on its ships. And they are absolutely right, in my opinion."

Leonard gripped for his arm and whirled him around. "Damn, Jim, you've broken more then one rule over the last five years."

Kirk shook him off. "Don't touch me, pervert," he hissed.

McCoy thought he couldn't believe his ears. He had assumed that Jim might be upset over the situation he had just caught them in, but such a harsh reaction was a bit more than he had expected.

"Damn it, Jim, we're not living in the Middle Ages. Such rules are completely out-dated these days. I never would have thought that you would be such an intolerant pig."

"Do you want to know the reason why?" Kirk hissed, hatred clearly shown in his eyes. He gestured to sit down again. "I can tell you."

/*/*/

It had been one of those hot summers in Iowa, holiday-time. The twelve-year old Jim Kirk had settled himself with an ancient book between the piles of straw in the loft of his parent's barn. He loved to lay there, reading and dreaming without any distraction. Otherwise he would be asked again to help on the farm, and he had no interest in doing so. After all, he had holidays. Besides nobody understood his fascination for those old science fiction books. If his father knew he was reading one, he would insist that he studied his school-datapads instead.

Suddenly Jim heard steps approach. Carefully he slid to the hatch to look below, to see who was coming. Thankfully it was only his older brother Sam and Marc, a 17 - year-old boy from the neighbour-farm, Sam's long-time best friend.

Being sure he was in no danger of detection, Jim just wanted to crawl back to his book, until he saw, how the boys hastily shed their shirts away. Curious what this was all about, he remained where he was.

"Are you really sure?" Marc asked and playfully slipped a hand over Sam's bare chest.

The older Kirk-son nodded. "I want it now and I want it with you."

Marc bent forward, to pull Sam in a tight embrace, then kissed him thoroughly.

The secret observer's eyes widened with surprise. But he didn't move at all as the boys continued to undress, until both were stark naked.

Marc pointed to some bales of straw, which were standing in the corner. Sam nodded, went to them and bent over it. Jim pushed himself forward, careful to make no sound, so that he could have a better view. The faces of the boys remained hidden in the shadows, however he could clearly see the movements of their bodies.

And so he observed, how Marc slipped his hands over his brother's ass, then apparently entered him with a finger or two. Sam gasped, but didn't sound tormented.

"You've to say, when it hurts," Marc whispered, as he bent forward to place kisses at Sam's neck. Then he bowed back for a moment.

Jim saw, how he picked up a tube of something from the floor and smeared its content on his erected cock. Then he grasped again for Sam's as. "Can I?"

"Yes."

Carefully and slowly Marc penetrated Sam, accompanied by heavy breathing from both. "Oh Gosh, tight," Marc groaned. "How you feel?"

"Full," came Sam's pressed answer. "So... full, but... great."

Marc paused, obviously to give Sam time to get accustomed. "Continue," demanded the young Kirk after a moment of the silence. His lover obeyed and began to move quicker and more powerful and their shared groans became louder.

So they did not hear the steps, which approached quickly. Thier first awareness of Sam's father was the strong hands grasping them. They screamed in pain, Marc stumbling to the floor, as they were roughly torn apart. With an anger-reddened face, George Kirk hovered over him, the horsewhip raised in his hand.

"Father, don't," Sam, pleaded.

Jim crawled anxiously back to his hiding-place. The excitement of watching his brother and friend have sex - which had, much to his surprise, resulted in his own erection - was over. His cock was flaccid once again. His father had to have just come back from a ride, considering his riding-clothes and the whip. Most likely he had heard the groaning of the boys. Jim did not want to think about what would happen if he were detected.

"Disappear!" George hissed at Marc, the whip swinging threateningly. "And if I ever see your perverted ass near my son again, I'll get my phaser." Marc quickly pulled up his clothes from the floor and hurried out, accompanied by Sam's excusing look.

"And now to you." George turned to his trembling son. His voice sounded dangerously quietly, as he said: "Bend over the bundle again."

"Father, I love Marc," Sam pleaded softly. However George didn't listen. He pushed him roughly against the straw. Then the whip clapped on the bare back and the bare rear of his son. Sam whimpered from pain.

"Will you be still, weakling!" George hissed. "My son does not become one of those perverts, who want the cock of another man up their ass."

Again and again the whip came mercilessly down on the young body, until Sam slid half unconscious on the floor. "That should teach you, " George growled.

He hauled Sam to his feet. "Disappear! You have house arrest. And before I leave tomorrow, I will arrange that you start an education at fleet-security in the next possible time. They will make a true man out of you."

"But I want to become a scientist," Sam whispered, while he dressed himself with cautious movements.

George lifted the whip again. He didn't voice any objection, but his gaze said everything.

Sam hurried, as quickly as his hurting ass allowed, out the barn.

Jim had hardly dared to breathe, while he had to examine his father's anger. As he now had to gasp for air, he got a straw-piece into his mouth and could not suppress a cough.

George Kirk had heard it and looked above. "Are you in here, Jim?" he called.

Well knowing, that there was no sense to hide further, Jim climbed down the narrow ladder, which led to the loft. "I have only read, father," he whispered urgently, trembling from fear.

George examined him intensely for a moment, then lowered or dropped the whip. "Let that be a lesson to you, Jim. If I ever catch you..." He let the end of the sentence open, however Jim understood.

/*/*/

"Jim, it's a pity that your father was such one old-fashioned man, " McCoy said after Jim had finished his story. "But you should know better."

Kirk gazed at him with a not very gentle look. "The next day my father left Earth for a mission, he never would return from. In the evening I detected Sam in the barn again - dead. He had hanged himself. His farewell message said that he couldn't live with the thought of being a disappointment to our father."

Jim's voice trailed off and McCoy took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Jim. Really. I hardly know what to say. It's a terrible thing. But it has nothing to do with Spock and me. Please do not hold us responsible for things that happened decades ago."

Kirk bent forward to stare right into McCoy's eyes. "That's not all, Bones. That's not all."

/*/*/

Jim tried strongly - and unsuccessfully - to stop his tears. He told himself a true man wouldn't cry. But the thought that his beloved dad would never return was too much to stand. No fishing and swimming again. No stories from his father's missions, which had triggered his dreams to become a Starfleet-Captain and discover the stars by himself.

At noon Robert April had brought the news. Since then nothing was as it had been before. Jim wished Sam was here so that he had someone to talk to. But Sam, too, would never return. The thoughts of his dead brother stirred his tears again.

Jim stopped in front of the door to the living room. The sounds from inside indicated that his mother was crying, too. He, himself, hadn't been able to find any sleep and so came down to seek her comfort. But probably he had to comfort her instead. "You're the men of the family now, my boy," uncle Robert had said earlier this day.

He pushed the door open. His mother was sitting on the coach, her head rested in her hands. "I'm so sorry," April just said. He sat opposite to her with his back to Jim. None of them had noticed the boy so far. "But I think I own you the truth and I would like to share your grief. I have loved George more then I should."

First Jim didn't give the words any special meaning. He knew that his father and uncle Robert had been dear friends. April had been Sam's and his godfather.

"No!" Winona cried. "George wasn't one of them. Not George. Not after his reaction to Sam." A crying fit shook her. And Jim suddenly understood. He gasped, but nobody noticed him. Dad had driven Sam to suicide with his vehement denial of homosexuality. How could he be one himself?

"We did not want it to happen," April said quietly. "I love Sarah and George loved you, Winona, and your boys, but we were lonely out there, surround by the hostile cold of the universe. We needed closeness, to survive. We hated it, we hated ourselves for the betrayal to our families... but we just couldn't stop it."

Jim stumbled out of the room and the house, running into the dark night. Finally he came to rest in the barn. There he cried until sleep claimed his spent body.

/*/*/

"My mom died a half year later... of a broken heart, as one may say," Kirk ended his story.

"My gawd!" McCoy gasped. He hardly knew what to say. For such a tragedy nobody could find words. He began to understand Jim's opinion, but for his own and especially for Spock's sake he had to fight for the right of their love.

"Again, as tragic as it all is, this has nothing to do with our situation."

Jim stared at him. "My father destroyed our family with his perversity. At first his self-hatred drove my brother into suicide, then the truth killed my mother, too. Damn it, Bones, you have a wife and a daughter as well. Don 't you think about what you do them?"

"Ex-wife," Leonard corrected automatically. "And the reason why our marriage split up is merely the fact that I only married her to cover my true nature."

/*/*/

"McCoy, I have to talk to you." He had a bad feeling in his stomach as the senior physician of the hospital Leonard worked at as assistant for the last half a year called for him. Something in the voice of the old professor promised nothing good.

He didn't waste any time and came right to the point after he had ordered Leonard to sit down. "It was brought to my attention that your lifestyle isn't exactly up to the standards we expect from the doctors on staff here. You've been seen in certain establishments, and there are rumours about a liaison between you and one of our male nurses."

Leonard gasped. How the hell could he know? He had always been careful and discreet. And he and Rick, the male nurse, only met twice so far.

He just wanted to say something but the professor stopped him with a gesture. "I will not tolerate that at our hospital. Either you do something about your reputation or we'll have to ask you to leave."

With this Leonard was dismissed. As he had reached to door, the professor stopped him once more. "McCoy, you're a good doctor - a very good doctor - I wouldn't like to loose you, but..."

He didn't say more but Leonard understood.

The same evening he told Rick he would never see him again and he asked Jocelyn to marry him. She was a daughter from the neighbourhood. Leonard had practically grown up with her. And he knew well that both families had expected them to marry for years. He didn't love Jocelyn, but at least he knew her and she was the best alibi he could get. He couldn't risk his job; his old and ill father needed his help, his money, for the best possible medical care.

But he was shocked how people still be so intolerant. This should remain long in the past. Equality may be the written law, but you'd never know by the behaviour of some people.

He had hoped then to arrange his life with Jocelyn, to even love her some day. When they had a daughter, he really was happy for a while. But if he believed he would be able to deny his true nature for the rest of his life, he had been wrong.

He started to become unsatisfied with his life. There was a craving Jocelyn couldn't fulfil. So he went again to those special clubs for men. He didn't know who had discovered and betrayed him, but one day he was called again into the professor's office.

Knowing he would be fired if he didn't leave of his own free will, he terminated at once and joined up with fleet. Being as far away from home as he could seemed to be the only way for him to find his inner rest. Jocelyn didn't mind, she was already living only for their child, and a year later they divorced officially. He never talked with her about it, but he was sure Jocelyn had at least guessed the true reason.

/*/*/

"Fleet knows, why it is still holding to its regulations," Kirk said as McCoy had finished his explanation. "There are many more men aboard the ships then women. If people are lonely and afraid they do things they never would do under other circumstances. The regret later may lead to greater problems."

"Come on, Jim, you're not trying to make me believe you've never done it before`?"

Kirk jumped to his feet, knocking the glass of brandy over. He didn't bother with it at all. "I've not, and I never will." He nearly cried it out.

"Don't forget, that I know your psych-profile and now, having heard about your family history. Jim, to be honest, it would be no wonder if you have homosexual tendencies."

"I have not," Kirk said with determination.

"Probably you hate all homosexuals so much because you hate yourself," Leonard offered carefully.

"Don't play Dr. Freud on me, Bones," Kirk hissed and then suddenly unwanted and long forgotten memories were back.

/*/*/

The hot water was slowly soothing his cramped muscles - he had just drained himself completely in the gym - but his brain still raged. How the hell could this have happened? He had lost two of his people today and it had been all his fault.

Lieutenant Kirk was so deep in thoughts that he didn't notice that he was no longer alone until he was grabbed by the shoulder. Jim startled, then turned around. "Captain," he gasped surprised.

Captain Garrovick was standing right behind him - stark naked. Jim couldn't believe it.

Kirk blushed. "I've finished, you can take the shower," he murmured, wondering why the Captain didn't use one of the others. He had been alone in the gym, so the other stalls had to be free.

Garrovick, not bothered by his nakedness at all, held him back as he wanted to slip outside. "You know that I have to report you," he said. "Beaming down without checking the soil first is a mistake I wouldn't have expected from a cadet, not to mention a lieutenant who came aboard with the highest recommendations."

Jim lowered his eyes. "I know captain. It's unforgivable." He had beamed down with a group of five people, without having the transporter-chief make a detailed scan of there landing area first. Everything seemed to be okay at frst sight, and so - eager to be going down - he didn't waste any more time. He and three others had luck and materialised on firm soil, but Artina and Eliz had landed on a fragile ledge that collapsed before anyone could react. And so something that should have been a harmless investigation of a well known, uninhabited planet had ended in a catastrophe... and probably ruined his career before it really had began.

"Sir, nothing that I can say will make it disappear. I just can ask forgiveness."

Garrovick suddenly smiled at him. "There is no way to help you, Jim, except." his hands travelled down Jims back. "You'll make me forget."

Surprised, Kirk gasped for air. Was Garrovick really meaning what he thought? "But Sir?"

"You've always tempted me, Jim" Garrovick fondled Jim's ass. "Such a cute little backside."

Jim flinched. He needed all his self-control to prevent himself from shoving Garrovick away and hitting him. But if he did that, not only would his career be over, he would also land in the brig for the next century or so.

"I can't," he whispered, hoping his Captain would let him. "I'm not one of those."

Garrovick teased his opening with a finger. "Think it over, Jim. Your career, for just a little fun. Your choice."

Jim sighed and finally nodded. If he had seen any other change, he would have taken it. But as much as his mind was racing he couldn't find a way out. He saw the shattered bodies before his inner eyes and he know it was his fault. He had to pay for it. That way or another.

Motionless, Jim watched how Garrovick stimulated his already half-erected cock to full hardness. It only took him a few well-applied strokes. The Captain sighed with pleasure. Then he turned Jim around, so that he faced the wall.

He felt a finger easing some sort of soap into him and then the tip of Garrovick's cock pressed against his opening. "I'm not one of those perverts," he murmured, as the other man entered him.

Feeling Garrovick moving strongly inside his body, Jim suddenly saw Sam's lifeless body before his inner eyes and he heard the cries of his mother in his ears. But suddenly he noticed - to his shock - that his own member was swelling quickly as Garrovick worked powerfully in him

"No," he cried. "No." How could that happen? How could his body betray him that way? He didn't enjoy this. Never! He clenched his fists and bit his lips until he tasted blood. He was no pervert like his father, who enjoyed another men's cock up his ass and condemned others for this act. He was straight and only straight.

"I knew you would enjoy it." Garrovick sounded satisfied as his hand reached for Jim's cock to stimulate it further. Although he tried hard he couldn't prevent himself from coming the same moment Garrovick was filling him with his seed.

Three days later they had the encounter with the blood-eating cloud and Garrovick died before Jim had the chance to really realise the night at the gym.

/*/*/

Kirk pushed the memories aside again. He had been young and in despair, seeing no other choice, as he was caught off guard. He never did it again, although Gary had once tried to seduce him when he was drunk, which destroyed their friendship.

He wasn't one of those perverts like his father and he would never talk about what happened with Garrovick. Not even to McCoy.

He sat down again, facing his CMO. "It's not only that you both are male, Bones. It's fraternization as well."

"It's not," Leonard replied. "We're not in the direct chain of command and have the same rank."

"And what if you have to decide whether you save Spock's life or the life of another?"

"I know my duty." Leonard didn't hide the hint of disappointment in his voice. "Damn, Jim. We can separate our private and duty life. We've been doing it for over two years."

Jim stared in sheer disbelief. "That long you've been f." He couldn't bring himself to speak it aloud. "And I thought you were my friends."

"We were and I hope we still are," Leonard answered. He really hoped it. If not for their friendships sake he would have no chance of convincing Jim of forgetting any official report. He condemned himself for letting all this happen. Jim never would have found out if he had been more careful. But Spock had been so in need, they just couldn't make it to one of their cabins. But he had at least locked his door.

/*/*/

"Leonard, I need you." Spock's voice sounded so desperate that McCoy instinctively flinched. He had felt the whole day that Spock's need was arising. Although they were not really bonded yet and the Vulcan tried the shield himself, the already existing link between them had left no doubt that the time had come.

McCoy rose. "We're going to my quarters, it's nearer."

"No." Spock breathed heavily, hardly able to speak in clear sentences. "Need you.. now. please"

Spock had already slipped his clothing off, so Leonard did the same. Done, shaking hands pressed him eagerly against the table. "Wait," he gasped. "Let me get some lube first:"

Thankfully he found some creme in the nearby closet. Knowing Spock would not be able to do so, he quickly prepared himself, then bent down over the table.

Spock was at once over him, entering with a swift, hard motion. Leonard moaned, feeling the entrance somewhat painful. But the pain was forgotten as Spock's hands reached for his meldpoints. He could feel the fire burning in the Vulcan, consuming flames licked at him, but there were also deep feelings of love and belonging radiating from Spock's mind. Leonard let himself be carried away by them. Neither time nor his surroundings mattered any longer.

And then he saw Jim and things began to become as bad as they could.

/*/*/

At least he knew now that it had been the right decision to remain quiet about their relationship. They had known that Starfleet would not tolerate it, so confidentiality had been the best choice. But they hadn't expected that Jim would react as he had and repeatedly considered confiding in him.

Kirk remained silent for a while. He felt hurt. How could his best friends betray him this way? And he had trusted them.

"Why just Spock?" He asked finally.

/*/*/

"It's not logical to run away from the truth, Spock." McCoy fixed the Vulcan, standing in his sickbay, with his usual solemn face.

"I assure you, doctor, I do not run away from anything." The voice, too, was completely unmoved as usual. But now Leonard knew that all was fake. He wish it hadn't taken such a drastic situation to reveal that Spock had feelings.

"Don't sell me for dumb, Spock. I know what's going on and you know it, too. And if you're closing your eyes to it, you are a..." The whole situation was really straining to the doctor. Knowing that anything could easily start again and that the solution he dreamed for was inaccessible gave him one headache after another.

"I have talked to healer Skorn." It hadn't been easy to get T'Pau to agree to initiate contact with the healer who has served the family for over a century. Getting him to loosen his tongue on the subject was nearly as difficult. But for Spock's sake McCoy had insisted on the information.

"The odds that your pon farr will soon begin again are high. You're not saved at all, Spock." Skorn had made this clear to the doctor. "There is a fair chance that it is only postponed for a while but not broken. And your mixed heritage is another unstable factor.".

"This is no matter of your concern, Doctor."

"Of course it is. I'm responsible for the health of the crew. And I assure you, I have no desire to go through all this trouble again."

Jim nearly killed by you - no thanks. And who really can know what could happen next - far away from Vulcan and unbonded? That there was also a much more private reason for his concerns, was a thought Leonard shoved hastily away again.

"I'm your friend, Spock, not your enemy." That he wanted to be more for over a year was another of this unwanted feelings. He considered it stupid and fruitless to dream of the Vulcan. Spock never would be interested, not to mention that such a relationship wasn't well received those days.

"What do you want from me, Doctor?"

"You can't behave as if this will never happen again. Jim does not need you on Altair. We are not that far away from Vulcan yet. You can still take a shuttle and go back. Take your time and sort out your private life. Your family can surely arrange something new for you."

"I have no intention of doing so, Doctor."

Somehow Leonard felt relieved hearing this. However, the next moment he felt guilt about his egoism. Spock was probably gambling with his life. He shouldn't be happy about this out of egoistic reasons.

"Spock, under normal circumstances I would agree with you. It's not nice to be at the mercy of others, but it's better then to die. Don't you think so? Risking your life is not logical and as much as I'd like to, I can't change your biology. Nobody can, obviously. You just need a women whether you like or not."

"I do not desire a union with a women, Doctor."

McCoy starred at him with mock surprise. "Do you mean you'd prefer a male as mate?"

"This is also not your concern, but yes, I would. Another man as my mate had always been my wish. Unfortunately the bond to T'Pring was initiated before this preference was detected. So I had to suppress it. But she must have known it nevertheless and I suppose this was the real reason which lead to her rejection."

Leonard hardly could believe his ears. Knowing his own problems with his preferences in a not-eve-so-tolerant universe, he was at first surprised about Spock's openness - especially regarding the often heard "my privacy is nothing of your concern" tirade. And second, he suddenly felt an illogical twinge of hope.

"Then go home and seek a suitable male mate for yourself," he said, trying to cover his surprise.

"This would be of no use, Doctor."

"Does this mean you are the only Vulcan with homosexual preferences?" He wondered if Vulcans were even more intolerant than Humans, if that were possibly.

"I am surely not, Doctor. The gender does not matter in a Vulcan relationship. We seek merely the perfect mate for our minds. And I will not find him on Vulcan."

Leonard's surprise grow. Why not on Vulcan?, he wondered. Spock sounded as if he had already made his choice. He felt his heart leap. His newly found hope was gone again. "You have already chosen?"

A long moment of silence. Then a whispered "Yes."

"That's great, Spock. Then everything is fine." He hoped he sounded convincing enough although he just felt as if someone had torn out his heart.

Spock shook his head. "No"

"Why not?"

"He does not know of my wish to bond with him. And even if he would know, he would not agree."

McCoy was musing for a moment, who this guy could be, who was so lucky to have won Spock's heart and did not want it. Jim! Of course it has to be him. He was the only one Spock let near himself; the only one he called friend.

"It's, Jim, isn't it?"

To Leonard's surprise Spock shook his head again. "No, doctor. Jim is my friend but I do not desire him as mate. And I know well that he, too, would never have any interest in such an relationship."

"Who is it then?"

Time seemed to stand still as Spock gazed in Leonard's eyes. "You," finally came the soft whisper, so quiet that McCoy hardly heard it.

"Me?" He was not able to say more. The universe seemed to spill around him. Should his dreams become true? Could it really happen?

"I am sorry. Leonard," Spock said softly. "I did not wish to confuse you. Be assured that I never would approach you in an unmannerly way. You are correct - going back to Vulcan is the only logical way for me. I will make all necessary arrangements as soon as possible. Good bye, Leonard."

Spock turned around and walked to the door. Desperately McCoy was trying to sort out his reaction, but all he felt was stunned. "Spock" was the only word he could finally manage.

Hesitantly the Vulcan stopped and turned around again. Leonard stretched his hand out in a desperate gesture. As the dark eyes connected with him, Spock understood and slowly, he returned to take the hand..

It had seemed like a miracle to Leonard, that Spock was answering his love. They had let it grow slowly from this day on. Although he had previous experiences with men, for Spock everything was new. Tender kisses, shy touches, the first explorations of the others body - he had felt like he was in heaven. And then the day came, he nearly destroyed everything.

"How could you consider leaving me?" Although Spock's face showed the usual solemn mask, Leonard knew that the Vulcan wasn't as calm as he pretended to be. The events around the Yonada had been somewhat unnerving for all of them, especially for himself.

McCoy knew he had hurt Spock deeply when he decided to stay with Natira. But at that moment it seemed to be the only option left to him. He believed himself deathly ill. Having Spock watching him slowly die was the last thing he wanted to burden the Vulcan with - especially remembering the awful death of his own father. The only thing he could think of was flying from Spock.

Now he was healthy again and had to face the consequences. If Spock would leave him now. He didn't dare to think about that. He had to make Spock understand.

"I didn't want you to see me dying," he explained. "You should be free for another mate. And behold me in good remembrance."

"Leonard," Spock's voice sounded tenderly as he spoke. "We belong together. What ever happens to one of us shall happen to the other as well."

In this night they talked about forming a permanent bond and later they made love as passionate as never before. Since then Leonard had felt like the happiest man in the universe.

/*/*/

McCoy's musings were interrupted by a silent call in his thoughts. Spock needed him again. He could clearly feel it. He had hoped to have more time to appeal to Jim's understanding, but obviously the pon far was increasing repeatedly. He had to rush things.

"Because I love him," he answered Jim's question.

Kirk filled his own glass again with the brandy, then offered McCoy one, too. But the doctor shook his head.

"As much as I would be happy for you two under other circumstances - and believe me I would, despite my own objections against such a relationship - as the Captain of this ship I'm bound to rule 113/B. So I have to ask you for separation."

"We can't. We are already bonded," Leonard replied. It wasn't the whole truth - the bond had only been half-formed, but soon it would be complete - but he hoped, Jim would accept a commitment and leave them.

But he didn't. "I have to order you to cancel any private relationship, and especially the sexual intercourse, immediately," Kirk emphasised.

Leonard rose. "Sorry, but I'm not going to let Spock die."

Jim wrinkled his forehead. "Die?"

"He is in pon far" McCoy could feel that Spock urgently needed him. His own body was already reacting to it, too. He was well aware of the growing bulge in front of his pants.

Kirk saw it, too, and stared at it for a moment. Then he jumped to his feet. "In pon farr! When the hell had you intended to tell me that? You're just exposing my crew to risk without informing me. Unbelievable!"

Leonard cursed inwardly. Most likely he had just spoiled everything. "There is no risk at all," he assured Jim hastily. "I had intended to declare Spock and me off duty for the next several days. Nobody would have known."

Gosh, he needed to go. Spock was calling for him desperately. "Jim, please," Leonard pleaded. "For our friendship, forget what you have seen."

"I don't know if I can." Kirk bit his lips and stared a long time at the door, which had closed behind a hurrying McCoy.

///////////

Epilog:

"Thank you, Jim" McCoy's voice was full of sarcasm. "I hope you're happy now that you've destroyed our lives."

"What?" Kirk, who had stared at his computer terminal as Leonard entered his cabin without any announcement, looked in mock surprise at the doctor. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I thought you had decided to leave us alone as nothing happened over the last three month. Obviously I was wrong, you only waited for the right moment," McCoy hissed, then drove an old-fashioned piece of paper in Kirks direction. "Read for yourself."

Jim took the paper. It was doubtless Spock's handwriting.

"T'hy'la,

I hope you can forgive me, when you have read this. What I am doing is the only logical choice. It was brought to my attention that Starfleet knows about our relationship and that we will be treated with their regulations. I will not allow any harm to your reputation or your career. I already have reported that you only performed your duty as chief medical officer of the Enterprise with saving my life with the generous offer of your body. I will seek the help of a Vulcan healer to break our bond. This shall cause you no harm, as I shall be able to shield from you during the process. Please, do not try to find me. I will make sure that we never meet again.

Forgive me and live long and prosper. Spock"

Under that Jim saw a scribbled "I love you."

He handed the paper back to McCoy. "I'm sorry, Bones, so sorry."

McCoy stared at him, sheer hate in his eyes. "He left the ship ten hours ago, making sure I would not detect it sooner, because I thought him doing all the necessary reports now we have returned to Earth."

"When I can, I'll help you." Kirk offered.

"You've done enough," McCoy hissed. "I already told fleet that they could fuck themselves. I do not wait until they fire me. I've already terminated. I'm going to Vulcan to try to find Spock."

He just had to find him, if not, his life would be meaningless. Should the world outside condom them, as long as they remained together nothing more was important. He had to make Spock understand, that his reputation didn't matter at all and that his career was of no importance to him either. Damn Vulcan logic! How the hell had Spock came to the conclusion that he had to sacrifice himself.

Without another word Leonard turned around and hurried outside. "Bones, wait," Kirk cried behind him but Leonard didn't hear it.

"Damn!" Slowly Jim turned around to face his computer screen again. There was still Nogura's message on it. "Jim, I had hoped to give you a great welcome after all your success. But it has been brought to fleets attention that you tolerated a violation of rule 113/B on your ship. This alone is bad enough, but that it had been your first and chief medical officer, who lived in a homosexual relationship, is even worse. We have tolerated enough violations of our regulations from your side. This is one we can't. It took all of my authority, and a few references to all the things you have done for us, for me to prevent your dishonourable discharge, as they will get. But we cannot have you in command of a ship any longer. Either you accept promotion to the Admiralty, and a desk-bound job, or you've got to go."

///

"You did a great job, Christine." His hands travelled down her naked shoulders. "Although I would have liked to have got Kirk, too. This arrogant asshole, believing he is the only genie around. And everybody seems to kiss the shoes of fleet's hero. I would have bet he's one of those perverts, too. Never believed his womaniser image. "

"You took his ship from him and bound him to Earth... that is the greatest punishment for him. Believe me, Harry, she's his only true love."

Morrow kissed Chapel's neck tenderly. "And getting McCoy and Spock is nevertheless a great success," she added. The moment she detected them both by their wild fucking on the table of McCoy's office, she had know that she had drawn the great win. And Kirk, that fucking idiot, hadn't reported them.

His fault, her luck. As Kirk ran out of sickbay, he had made such a racket that she - just sorting some medicines in the lab - heard him. She had come to see what had happened and discovered the scene in the office without being noticed.

Morrow kneaded her breast. "I always knew you were worth any effort. You're the best of my spies."

Christine laughed. "You mean the effort to blackmail me with the mistake of a naive young student."

It had been during a practices as she was still a student of medicine in the fleet-hospital. Morrow had been there because of a broken leg. Instead of the painkiller she should give him, she had accidentally used stimulants on him. Morrow hadn't reported her under the requirement that she would be of some "service" for him.

She had supposed he meant of a sexual nature, and hadn't minded it at all. If she could have some fun with a good looking man, why not? Roger didn't have to know and probably Morrow could be of some help with her career. Female doctors still didn't have it easy at all. Then Roger had suddenly been lost, Harry offered her the post on the Enterprise so that she could look after for him, but his main-reason was to have her have a close eye on Kirk.

She didn't mind this either. And she felt no guilt for having betrayed Spock and McCoy. Both could have had her but didn't want her. Now they got what they deserved.

Morrow's hands travelled between her thighs. "Don't tell me you've never enjoyed your job and the. payment."

She smiled. "But this time, I want more than you. I will finish my study and become the CMO of the Enterprise. Sickbay finally shall be mine."

Morrow spread her thighs and knelt between them. "It will be all yours. The universe only belongs to the straight."

-end-

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